Nevada Lawmakers Attempt to Lock the Clock, Misplace the Key

Reportin’ in Temporal Confusion from a Peculiar Frontier of Time

The Nevada Legislature has done-gone and confused the sun itself. In their latest fit of political gumption—more ambition than arithmetic—they’ve passed what they’re callin’ the “Lock the Clock Act,” which, as near as can be told, is an earnest attempt to wrestle Time into submission like it were a drunken coyote at a church picnic.

Assembly Bill 81, in official ink, aims to toss Daylight Savin’ Time into the same dustbin where they keep unused campaign promises and balanced budgets. The bill has wriggled its way through the Assembly and now struts proudly toward the Senate, where it’s reckoned it’ll be patted on the head, misunderstood entirely, and possibly signed into law by someone who didn’t read it.

Should the legislation pass, Nevadans will still fall back in November, shan’t spring forward come March, and clocks’ll be stuck where they are. That ain’t what the majority wants—but what the majority is gettin’.

But here’s the comic part–they’ve set out to regulate Time itself–like it was a local ordinance or a fellow who forgot to pay his saloon tab. They appear to believe that fiddlin’ with clocks can generate revenue, boost productivity, or otherwise improve the moral fiber of the state.

What they ain’t realized is that there’s not a penny to squeeze from legislating the rotation of the Earth.

One can’t sell Time by the barrel, and Time, like a cat, refuses to be herded. You can call it whatever you want—Daylight, Standard, Extra Crispy—but it’s still the same sun risin’ over the same sagebrush, no matter what hour you print on the town hall bulletin.

In truth, if lawmakers were any more out of step, they’d need two calendars and a compass to attend a meeting on Tuesday. But bless their hearts–they keep tryin’—believin’ as only lawmakers can, that the hands of a clock answer to the legislature.

So come this fall, Nevada will dutifully set its clocks back as always, and then in the springtime, look around puzzled when nothing but desert weeds and political nonsense spring up. But by then, it’s expected the legislature will be tryin’ to outlaw wind or put a tax on moonlight.