A Fine and Enterprising Scheme to Peddle the Desert

In a display of government ingenuity that would make even P.T. Barnum tip his hat, the U.S. Bureau of Land Management has cooked up a plan to sell off 5,500 acres of good, wholesome Nevada dirt, scattered across 66 plots like a miser tossing breadcrumbs to the pigeons. The lucky recipients of this grand proposition are the fine folks of Lincoln County, whose towns—Alamo, Caliente, Crestline, Hiko, Panaca, Pioche, Mt. Wilson, and the ever-mysterious Rachel—have been hand-selected to receive the privilege of watching their backyards become real estate listings.

The noble endeavor is all part of the Lincoln County Conservation, Recreation, and Development Act of 2004, a law which, if its title is any indication, must surely mean that selling off public lands to the highest bidder is an act of conservation, recreation, and development all rolled into one. Among the prized parcels up for grabs are tracts of land along the Extraterrestrial Highway, where would-be buyers can rub elbows with conspiracy theorists and little green men, and plots near the Crestline landfill, which offers breathtaking views of discarded washing machines and the occasional windblown grocery bag.

The fine citizens of Lincoln County, whose allegiances lean more toward Utah than the distant glitz of Las Vegas, have reacted with all the enthusiasm of a cat introduced to a bathtub. Officially, the BLM’s social media post has generated a modest trickle of interest—three comments by the following day, suggesting the public is either stunned into silence or too busy digesting their supper to type.

Unofficially, however, the wailing and gnashing of teeth elsewhere on social media sets a different story.

“You’re selling freedom!” cries one impassioned voice, a sentiment that, while poetic, gives Uncle Sam a little too much credit for his skill in merchandising.

Others see the gleam of a burgeoning tax base, envisioning paved roads, fresh schoolhouses, and maybe even a second gas station. And then there is the eternal chorus of citizens who are against anything the BLM does on principle, be it land sales, map-making, or breathing in an official capacity.

Whether this grand scheme ends in prosperity, ruin, or a high-stakes poker game between a real estate developer and a local rancher remains to be seen. Either way, the Great American Land Sale rolls on, and Lincoln County is next in line at the auction block.