The Nevada Election Confidence Show

Well now, gather ‘round, ladies and gentlemen, and let’s take a gander at the latest installment of Nevada’s most thrilling spectacle—The Grand and Glorious Assurance of Election Integrity!

The dazzling performance, brought to you by none other than Secretary of State Francisco Aguilar, complete with lofty pronouncements, statistical wizardry, and the ever-reliable sleight of hand that has folks nodding along.

“Ensuring the security of Nevada’s elections is one of the most serious responsibilities my office has,” quoth Aguilar, straight-faced as a Sunday school preacher, as he unfurled yet another quarterly report meant to assure the good citizens of Nevada that all is well and just in their sacred voting process.

Now, let’s take a peek behind the curtain.

In the grand 2024 general election, a minuscule 303 attempted double-votes got noted—that’s 0.02 percent of the total ballots, a number so small you’d need a government-paid mathematician to find it with a magnifying glass. But don’t fret, dear reader, for of these 303, a whopping five cases have been closed, while the remaining 298 languish in a limbo more mysterious than a prospector’s last words.

The primary election fared no better, with 68 attempted double-votes and a dazzling 48 closing with no recommendation for criminal charges—one can only assume the perpetrators received a hearty handshake and a gentle reminder to try again next time. And in the grandest of them all, the 2024 Presidential Preference Primary, the number of double votes was so microscopic—two cases out of 215,742 ballots—it’s a wonder they bothered to count them.

Both cases came up dismissed, naturally.

What Aguilar and his merry band would have you believe is that these numbers prove the election was as pure as a mountain spring. But any old-timer worth his salt will tell you: the trick to a good con ain’t what they show you but what they don’t.

And for all the fine talk of transparency and accountability, the one thing you won’t find in these reports is anyone asking questions that might make an honest man blush.

So step right up, folks, and take comfort in the knowledge that Nevada’s elections are in the safest hands—at least, according to the fellas counting the votes.

But, ain’t it just the way of politicians and their pet number-crunchers?

They’ll stand up straight as a fence post and tell you, and with all the sincerity of a fella selling snake oil, that 303 attempted double votes out of nearly a million and a half ballots ain’t worth mentioning. Why–it’s such a small number, they reckon, you’d be a fool to worry about it.

But here’s the rub—one double vote is one too many. If a man slips an extra ace into a poker game and gets caught, you don’t say, “Well, it was just one card, no harm done.” No, you kick ’em out and watch the rest of the deck mighty close because where there’s one trick, there’s bound to be another.

What bean counters conveniently forget to mention is the simple truth–if they caught a few, how many more slipped through? It ain’t like cheaters line up to turn themselves in. And yet, we get the same tired song—“Nothing to see here, folks, move along.”

A fella with sense knows better.