Some enterprising mischief-maker, perhaps feeling mighty put out about the state of the world or just harboring a peculiar distaste for electric vehicles, saw fit to set several cars ablaze at a Tesla service center in the dark and lonesome hours of Tuesday morning.
The Metro police say the conflagration sparked around 2:45 a.m., drawing the swift attention of law enforcement, firefighters, and—because no good trouble happens these days without a federal presence—the FBI. The scene of this latest episode of automotive arson lies near Jones Boulevard and Badura Avenue, an area now sealed off tighter than a cheapskate’s purse while authorities puzzle over the crime.
According to the legacy media, authorities are trying to figure out if today’s firestorm has any connection to the recent rash of Tesla-targeted vandalism across the nation remains a mystery according to legacy media. Across the country, some folks with strong feelings about Mr. Elon Musk and his political dalliances have been expressing their sentiments through the fine art of destruction.
The timing sure raises an eyebrow or two.
President Donald Trump seized the moment last week during a White House Tesla event to issue a stern warning.
“You do it to Tesla and you do it to any company, we’re going to catch you and you’re going to go through hell,” Trump said.
One can only presume that hell involves more than a scorching in a parking lot.
Meanwhile, Metro and the FBI are hard at work sorting out what kind of firebug they’re dealing with. A briefing, where authorities will stand before the press, clear their throats, and remind everyone that crime doesn’t pay–unless it’s money coming from George Soro’s pocket–is expected at 10:30 a.m.
The Territorial 
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