A Most Unfortunate Unhousewarming

It is one thing to get evicted, but it is a riskier endeavor to stock said dwelling with enough contraband to make the sheriff’s office gasp. It’s a lesson Miss Carolyn Cerney of Fernley learned the hard way when her housing situation took a most unfortunate turn—right into the waiting arms of the Lyon County deputies.

Yesterday afternoon, deputies, in the fine and charitable spirit of public service, arrived at Blue Wing Court to assist in an eviction, a task they no doubt unpleasant. Instead, they happened upon a spectacle of the most illicit variety. In the course of their duties, they discovered what appeared to be methamphetamine within the residence, an item that, while highly prized among certain circles, does tend to draw the unwelcome attention of law enforcement.

Demonstrating a thoroughness most admirable in their profession, the deputies expanded their search to Miss Cerney’s automobile, which proved to be something of a treasure chest—though not of the sort one would wish to present in polite company. Within the vehicle, they unearthed 146 grams of methamphetamine, 12.805 ounces of marijuana, and 6 grams of psilocybin mushrooms, along with an assortment of packaging materials and a quantity of cash sufficient to suggest that Miss Cerney was not merely a collector of such substances, but rather an enthusiastic merchant.

For her enterprising, though legally ill-advised, activities, Miss Cerney was rewarded with accommodations at the Lyon County Jail, where she now faces an impressive list of charges, including trafficking and possession of controlled substances, as well as possession of drug paraphernalia. The county has affixed her bail at the princely sum of $106,140.

Thus, what began as a simple eviction blossomed into a most instructive tale—a cautionary fable for those inclined to conduct their affairs that invites the scrutiny of the law. Miss Cerney, no doubt, now contemplates the perils of keeping house with a stockpile of substances better suited to remain undiscovered.