Mr. Johnson Fines Hisself Arrested Despite His Best Efforts

Mr. Timothy Dean Johnson, a man of remarkable persistence in the art of poor decision-making, has once again found himself acquainted with the hospitality of the Lyon County Jail. Deputies of the Lyon County Sheriff’s Office were summoned on February 19 to rid some local establishment of an unwanted visitor, only to discover that the gentleman in question was none other than Johnson himself, a man with an outstanding misdemeanor warrant and, as fate would have it, an even greater reluctance to comply with the laws of the land.

Upon realizing that the deputies intended to interrupt his evening with a pair of bracelets and an invitation to the county lockup, Johnson responded in a manner both predictable and inadvisable—by resisting arrest and battering one of the fine officers attempting to detain him. As history has repeatedly demonstrated, the strategy did little to improve his situation.

Once subdued and securely in custody, Johnson’s luck took another unfortunate turn when a deputy with the Sheriff’s Office Sex Offender Task Force recognized him as a man who ought to have made a formal introduction to the authorities upon his return to Lyon County but had failed to do so. With his list of infractions now considerably lengthened, Johnson found prompt booking on multiple charges, including failure to register as a sex offender, resisting arrest, and battery on a peace officer.

While one might admire Johnson’s commitment to his chosen path, it is evident that his particular brand of resistance has proven about as effective as windshield wipers inside a car.