A Fearsome Peril from the Orient

And Also, Bed Sheets

It has come to the attention of certain enterprising members of Congress that a frightful menace lurks in the digital ether, whispering nefarious secrets into the ear of the Chinese government. This ominous specter, known as DeepSeek, is an artificial intelligence platform born in the far-off land of China—a place already notorious for making bedsheets so thin a fellow can read his morning newspaper right through them.

Senator Jacky Rosen and her esteemed colleagues Jon Husted and Pete Ricketts have raised concerns, stating that DeepSeek poses a “potentially significant national security threat.”Now, one must assume the threat is more grievous than the bedsheets, though that is a high bar indeed.

According to Rosen, that confounded AI platform is busily gathering American data and, much like those whispering silk imports, sending it straight back to the Chinese government.

“The U.S. must take steps to ensure Americans’ data and government systems remain protected,” Rosen proclaimed, “against platforms—like DeepSeek—that are linked to our adversaries.”

Oddly, she and her cohorts never said a blasted thing about the Chinese balloon the Biden Administration allowed to float across the U.S.–but then that’s old-fashioned spying, not this new-fangled stuff.

To this end, she and her compatriots have introduced a bill to rid all government devices of DeepSeek’s insidious presence, ensuring our great nation’s secrets remain as secure as a bank vault in broad daylight. Now, if Congress were to focus on the previously mentioned sheets, which provide no more privacy than a windowpane, the American people could sleep as soundly as their data.