The Misadventures of Mr. Sears

In a turn of events that might have left even the most seasoned scoundrels shaking their heads in admiration or pity, one Mr. Miky Sears, aged 53, found himself on the wrong side of the law after a traffic stop on Saturday led to a most enlightening discovery.

The Carson City Sheriff’s Office Special Enforcement Team, ever vigilant against the high-speed pursuits of fate, pulled over Mr. Sears at the intersection of Goni Road and College Parkway. The man, doubtless offering the sort of pleasantries one extends when caught in an inconvenient moment, was soon advised of the nature of his predicament—speeding, though that would prove to be the least of his troubles.

Enter Cash, a particularly astute K9 officer, whose olfactory talents would soon cast a most unfortunate light on Mr. Sears’ travel arrangements. A free-air sniff of the vehicle—one presumes Mr. Sears had little say in the matter—led to a positive alert, prompting detectives to engage in impromptu housekeeping.

Their efforts found reward when they uncovered precisely 29.63 grams of methamphetamine nestled comfortably inside a cleaning container with a “false bottom.” Whether Mr. Sears had hoped the irony of his storage choice would serve as some form of poetic camouflage remains unknown.

With his day already taking an irreversibly sour turn, Mr. Sears got an escort to Carson City Jail, where authorities had yet to finish their inquiries. A subsequent search warrant for his residence yielded an additional 141.36 grams of methamphetamine inside a trailer on his property, bringing the total to 170.99 grams—a figure that, while impressive, was unlikely to win him any accolades in polite society.

Now booked on an array of charges, including possession of a controlled substance–third offense, mind you–intent to sell–also third offense–trafficking–second offense–and being, for lack of a better term, a habitual criminal, Mr. Sears has no doubt found himself with ample time to reflect upon the events of the day.