UNR Extension Hires Philosopher

A First for Gainful Employment

In a turn of events, the University of Nevada, Reno Extension, has appointed Adam Carpenter as the new extension county coordinator for Carson City and Storey County. It may not shake the very foundations of the world, but Carpenter holds a degree in philosophy and has found a job—one that even pays money—worthy of profound contemplation.

Whispered in college hallways for generations is that the fate of a philosophy graduate is to sit beneath a tree and ponder existence while passing students toss spare change out of pity. Yet Carpenter is living proof that such dark prophecies do not always come to pass. In securing employment, he has triumphed over odds even longer than those faced by that fabled soul who majored in Advanced Underwater Basket Weaving.

Carpenter will now take his place among those who dispense wisdom to the masses, working with city and county offices, community members, and his fellow Extension colleagues to ensure that the good people of Carson City and Storey County are well-informed on vital matters such as nutrition, youth development, and environmental conservation. One can only assume that his philosophical training will be put to good use when explaining why a balanced diet is preferable to a steady regimen of fried foods or when resolving the age-old riddle of why children refuse to eat vegetables.

The northern area director for the Extension, Holly Gatzke, expressed great enthusiasm for Carpenter’s appointment, citing his “valuable experience and strong commitment to community engagement.” She did not explicitly mention whether she was impressed by his ability to translate Kant into plain English, but one assumes that played a role in the decision.

Carpenter’s previous endeavors include running after-school programs for elementary students, coordinating science events for teenagers, and working in client relations for a healthcare system. These noble pursuits have prepared him well for proving to the world that a philosopher can perform duties beyond staring pensively into the middle distance.

“I’m grateful for the opportunity to serve Carson City and Storey County and to work alongside Extension’s dedicated team,” Carpenter said, suppressing the urge to add, “Therefore, I am.”

His appointment sets a precedent. If a philosopher can find employment, what other miracles may pass? Will a poet soon be discovered earning a living wage? Could a historian be sighted outside academia, engaged in work that does not involve writing lengthy dissertations no one will ever read? The mind reels at the possibilities.

For now, let us take a moment to reflect on the remarkable fortune of Adam Carpenter, who has secured a job and done so in a manner that allows him to dispense knowledge, aid the community, and—most miraculously of all—put his degree to use.