A Most Ill-Advised Use of a Shotgun

Let’s turn our attention to where men are known to do some remarkable things—both noble and idiotic. Our subject is in the latter category, and he goes by Brandon Christiansen.

At approximately 5:20 on Saturday evening in Spanish Springs, while most respectable folk were settling in for supper, Mr. Christiansen, aged 43 years and seemingly possessed of a most unfortunate lack of judgment, decided that the best use of his time was to discharge a shotgun at an occupied vehicle. The decision, we must assume, was not made after deep contemplation nor with the benefit of sober reasoning, for officials quickly discovered that he was under the influence of alcohol at the time of the incident.

Now, shooting at an occupied vehicle is, on its own, a poor life choice. Doing so while drunk is an even poorer one. But to do so in the presence of children? Well, that elevates the matter from mere folly to full-blown calamity. It was, of course, no surprise to anyone but perhaps Mr. Christiansen himself that the law soon came knocking.

The Sparks Police Department wasted no time identifying their man and ensuring he found himself in new accommodations at the Washoe County Detention Facility. His itinerary now includes charges of child endangerment, possession of a firearm while intoxicated, and the unlawful discharge of said firearm—charges which, in sum, suggest that the State of Nevada frowns upon drunkenly firing weapons at people.

Miraculously, no injuries came from the action, which one might argue is more due to fortune than wisdom. The Sparks Police, ever diligent, now request that any witnesses—or those with knowledge of the incident—step forward and contact them or Secret Witness.

As for Mr. Christiansen, he will likely have plenty of time to reflect on his decisions, preferably with less liquor and fewer firearms at his disposal. Whether he will emerge from this experience a wiser man remains unknown, but if history teaches us anything, common sense is a rare and precious commodity, and some are determined to prove it.