The Drunken Logic of Self-Righteousness

You ever sit at a bar and listen to a guy ramble on about how he’s got it all figured out? That’s what this feels like.

A declaration of beliefs wrapped in the idea that if you don’t agree, you must be either stupid or evil. So let’s take a stool, light a cigarette, and dismantle this sermon like a bad hangover.

“I believe a country should take care of its weakest members.”

Great. But who gets to decide who’s “weak”? And what happens when everyone suddenly becomes “weak” because the system rewards dependence? Charity is noble. Forced charity is theft.

“Healthcare is a right, not a privilege.”

Rights don’t require someone else’s labor. You have a right to speak, but not a right to make me listen. You want doctors working for you at gunpoint? That’s not a right—that’s a hostage situation.

“Education should be affordable.”

Maybe if universities weren’t bloated cash cows stuffed with useless degrees and tenured leeches, tuition wouldn’t be a lifetime mortgage. You want free education? Ask why it costs so damn much in the first place.

“I don’t believe in taking your money and giving it to people who don’t want to work.”

And yet, here we are. “Fair wages” are just a way of saying “let’s let someone else handle the problem.”

“I’m fine with paying my share.”

That’s cute. You and how many others? Because last I checked, the government wasn’t exactly known for using tax money wisely. You’re okay with it going anywhere but “lining corporate pockets”? Have you met the military-industrial complex? The bureaucratic black hole? Your money doesn’t fix things. It just disappears.

“Companies should pay a livable wage.”

Great. So when the price of everything shoots up to match that “livable wage,” are you still going to be cheering? Or will you demand another raise because your “fair wage” doesn’t go as far anymore? That’s the problem with economic justice—math doesn’t care about your feelings.

“I am not anti-Christian.”

And yet, somehow, the only religion that needs to stay out of politics is Christianity. You’re not mad at faith. You’re mad that it’s not your faith being legislated. And before you bring up Sharia Law—let me tell you, this country’s got enough red tape to make that impossible.

“I don’t believe LGBT people should have more rights than you.”

No one does. But when “equal rights” turn into forced participation, speech policing, and lawsuits over wedding cakes, it’s not equality anymore—it’s special treatment.

“I don’t believe illegal immigrants should have the world at their feet.”

Nice pivot, but when you start ranting about “humane ways” to handle it, you’re just sugarcoating open borders. You want to be compassionate? That’s fine, but don’t act shocked when a system built on law collapses when laws don’t mean anything.

“I don’t believe the government should regulate everything.”

And yet, you do. You don’t trust corporations, but you trust politicians to keep them in check? You don’t want bureaucrats in your personal life, but you’re fine with them in boardrooms? The government doesn’t solve problems. It is the problem.

“I believe our current administration is fascist.”

Ah, there it is. The big bad “F” word. It used to mean something. Now it just means “people I don’t like.” Fascism is government control over industry. You demand that the government control industry so congratulations, you played yourself.

“I believe systemic racism and misogyny are worse than people think.”

Says who? Legacy media? College professors? The same people who profit off convincing you that the world is against you? If everything is oppression, then nothing is.

“I am not coming for your guns.”

Sure, but you want “common sense” regulations. You know what’s common sense? The Second Amendment. Because when someone knocks on your door in the middle of the night, you don’t have time to call your senator.

“I believe in political correctness—aka social politeness.”

No, you believe in social control. Politeness is voluntary. Your version has HR memos and social consequences for stepping out of line. That’s not politeness. That’s a leash.

“I believe in sustainable energy.”

Cool, build a wind turbine in your backyard, and let me know how it works out. But don’t act surprised when the billionaire oil guys pivot to becoming billionaire solar guys and nothing changes.

“Abortion is a right and women’s healthcare.”

Not to be an asshole or anything, but aren’t you glad your mom didn’t hold the same opinion as you?

“I believe women should be equal.”

No argument here. But here’s a thought—maybe stop framing everything like women are helpless victims in a world run by mustache-twirling men. Want equality? Stop demanding special rules.

Now, take a breath. Finish your drink. You believe a lot of things. Good for you. But believing something doesn’t make it true, and ranting about it doesn’t make it reality. The world doesn’t run on slogans. It runs on power. And the people with power don’t give a damn what you believe.