NV Energy’s Great Electric Disappearing Act

Shocking Tale of Modern Inconvenience

Friends, neighbors, and sufferers of unexpected darkness gather close (if you can still read this by candlelight) for a tale of woe, wretchedness, and Wi-Fi withdrawal. More than 2,860 Lyon County residents have found themselves thrust back into the bygone days of yore—by which I mean the inconvenient era before Netflix.

The great calamity struck shortly after 11 a.m. on Monday when the first power outage hit unsuspecting residents in the 89043 and 89408 zip codes. Then, as if insult needed company, two more outages followed just after noon.

The cause of two of these blackouts remains a mystery, like the continued existence of reality television. NV Energy has determined that the culprits are downed poles or power lines.

Naturally, NV Energy’s best and brightest are working diligently to restore power, though they have remained coy about when that might happen. As of now, the official timeline for restoration ranges from “soon” to “someday” to “perhaps you should invest in a good book and a sturdy lantern.”

Rest assured, we will continue monitoring the situation, updating you as new information emerges—assuming, of course, that our power stays on long enough to do so. In the meantime, we advise residents to reflect upon simpler times when people entertained themselves by staring at walls and holding awkward conversations with family members.