Fowl Play in Virginia City

It is not often that the residents and visitors of Virginia City can claim to have witnessed anything stranger than what befell the town the day after Halloween. Much to the astonishment of the esteemed city fathers and mothers, a flock of no less than a thousand wild turkeys descended upon C Street and began a determined march eastward.

Why they chose to head east remains a spirited debate among the townsfolk. Some of the more imaginative residents speculated that the turkeys were seeking asylum at the many Native American reservations in that part of Nevada, holding a grudge against the Pilgrims of Massachusetts for the infamous First Thanksgiving.

You see, turkeys, unlike humans, have a remarkable sense of historical injustice.

Others, possessing a differing logic, posited that the turkeys were bound for Utah. Why Utah, you ask? It was suggested, with no small amount of conviction, that the turkeys had somehow deduced that Mormons might abstain from Thanksgiving festivities, as they presumably prefer their turkeys alive and well, thus providing a haven for these feathered fugitives.

But the tale does not end there. Always with an ear to the ground for ways to evade the carving knife, the turkey stumbled upon the Mormons. Now, anyone with a passing familiarity with history knows that Mormons, like all good Americans, partake in Thanksgiving with great enthusiasm.

Yet the turkey, in its infinite wisdom—or lack thereof—latched onto a misunderstanding. They had overheard whispers of peculiar customs and dietary restrictions among various religious groups and mistakenly conflated these with a rejection of Thanksgiving. The turkeys thus theorized that Utah, the heartland of Mormonism, must surely be a haven where Thanksgiving was just another ordinary Thursday.

It is a curious and amusing affair when one contemplates the reasoning of turkeys, those feathered philosophers who find themselves unwitting participants in the annual celebration known as Thanksgiving. One must first delve into their historical grievances and misplaced logic to understand their peculiar migration.

As the story goes, the turkeys of North America have long harbored animosity toward the Pilgrims of Plymouth Rock. With their big hats and buckled shoes, the Pilgrims are infamous among turkey-kind for inaugurating what is now an annual feast of fowl.

Their ancestors witnessed their kin presented as the centerpiece of this grand occasion and passed down tales of woe and betrayal through the generations. Thus, the turkeys developed a mistrust for anything remotely resembling a Pilgrim–or a Thanksgiving table–for that matter.

However, turkeys are unknown for their grasp of nuanced human customs or history. With their limited yet imaginative comprehension, they reasoned that the Native Americans, who were present at that inaugural feast, might share their disdain for the holiday.

After all, if your ancestors had graciously shared their harvest and knowledge, only to see it commemorated by the annual consumption of your feathered friends, you might feel a tad resentful, too. Thus, in the collective turkey consciousness, Native American reservations became perceived sanctuaries, free from the shadow of Thanksgiving.

Armed with these dubious historical interpretations, the turkeys made their audacious bid for freedom down C Street. One can only imagine the scene—a thousand turkeys, heads held high, strutting with an air of righteous indignation, convinced they were heading toward liberation. Whether they were seeking the supposed sanctuary of Native American reservations or the imagined indifference of Utahan residents, their motives were clear: to escape the fate that had befallen their forebears.

Of course, reality and logic do not always coincide. Should the price per pound of turkey rise beyond the customary 95.7 cents following this great migration, it will undoubtedly be the fault of misguided but noble wild turkeys.

And so, the Virginia City Turkey Migration of ’24 will be carved into the annals of history, demonstrating the indomitable spirit—and occasional folly—of those who seek freedom.