Unprecedented Cicada Invasion Looms

As if we needed one more thing leading into the coming solar eclipse, and this one straight out of a horror movie, trillions of cicadas, dubbed Brood VIII and Brood XIX, will emerge from their underground lairs in numbers unseen in centuries.

These red-eyed insects, equipped with pumps in their heads and jet-like muscles in their rears, are set to crawl out of the earth every 13 or 17 years, filling the air with a collective song as deafening as jet engines. Unlike their annual cousins, these black bugs lay dormant underground, biding their time until they orchestrate a full-scale takeover of the landscape, enveloping houses with shed exoskeletons and rendering the ground crunchy underfoot.

A chilling double dose of cicadas will invade select parts of the U.S., a phenomenon dubbed “cicadageddon.” The last time these two broods emerged simultaneously was in 1803, during Thomas Jefferson’s presidency, a fact often overlooked in historical records.

The creatures, sometimes mistaken for locusts, are more of an annoyance than a harbinger of biblical calamity. While they may cause damage to young trees and some fruit crops, the extent is typically limited and manageable.

When the ground temperature hits 64 degrees, the cicadas will emerge across the U.S. Apart from their distinctive features and noisy mating calls — they can urinate on unsuspecting passersby as scientists have recently revealed that cicadas boast the record for the “strongest urine jet stream” of any animal close to their size.