In Over My Head

At one point in my life I wanted to take from my military service what I had learned and apply it towards a degree in nursing. With that in mind, I took a part-time job working the graveyard shift at the local convalescent hospital.

It didn’t take very long to realize I was in over my head and would much rather be out in the streets as an emergency medical technician. It took a “nasty” incident to finally change my mind about my goal path.

Señor Sanchez was nearly one-hundred years old, sharp as a tack and very set in his ways. Often times I would go into his room and find him already dressed, sitting in his wheel-chair watching whatever he found of interest on TV.

One early morning I stopped in to ask him how he was doing and he asked that I help him to the bathroom. It was one of the few things the old man could not do all by himself — as arthritis prevented him from properly cleaning up afterward.

After getting Señor Sanchez to the toilet and seated, I stepped out of the bathroom to give him some privacy. After a few minutes he hollered for me to return, which I did.

As I helped him stand up so I could wipe his bum for him, I noticed his wallet laying on the floor at the base of the commode. I decided to pick it up as I started to pull his pants up.

Unfortunately — Señor Sanchez wasn’t finished going to the bathroom. Without warning, and jus’ as I leaned over to grab both the wallet and his pants, he had an explosive bowel movement.

He literally crapped on my head, in my left ear and down my shoulder. I helped him sit down to finish the job, handed him his wallet and exited the room.

My ability to stifle my gag-reflex has always been good — that is until someone else starts the process of throwing-up — which is exactly what happened.  As I was heading for the shower area, one of the other nursing aides saw me and lost everything in her stomach, which caused me to follow suit.

Meanwhile, I could hear Señor Sanchez snickering at the situation.