The Tale of the Garbage Disposal

Last weekend I had to do what I have been dreading for a long time. I had to replace a major appliance in our home . My good fortune was that it was a small major appliance, the garbage disposal. The one that came with this home lasted nearly six-years and it was not the best model ever made.

Mary and I had put this off for a couple of weeks, for a couple of reasons, one being money, the other the idea that every time I start a home project something goes terribly wrong. we ·finally came to that point though that we could no longer put it off and we went out and purchased the exact model we wanted.

We were amazed at how smoothly the removal and installation was going. I was smiling as I made the final turn on the ring that holds the disposal to the bottom of the sink.

That’s when I realized we had come to our first problem and it was a serious one.

We had selected the only garbage disposal that required hard wiring to the wall. In other words, it did not come with a cord or plug.

Luckily before I could throw the new garbage disposal out the door and into the busy street in hopes that some large 4×4 truck would kill it for me, Mary calmed me down and read through the directions more thoroughly. She discovered that the model we had could also be rewired with a cord so we could plug it in.

So with no cord immediately available, I salvaged the one from the old disposal and what do you know it worked. All is well, that ends well.

Not necessarily so.

The following night, my lovely bride, loaded the dishwasher and turned it on. I’m resting on the couch in a semi­ reclined state. The dishwasher comes on and she screams as water squirts towards the ceiling through the air vent on the sink.

After catching up with my heart which has raced down the block and to the 7-11 and back, I helped clean up the water and I sit there on the floor in front of the garbage disposal sulking for the rest of the night because I have once again been outwitted by a piece of machinery.

It took me the entirety of the following day to have this revelation: I forgot to remove the stopcock on the air vent inside the garbage disposal.

I rushed home from work that night and in less than fifteen minutes I pulled the garbage disposal apart, removed the stopcock, put it back together, turn on the dishwasher and thought myself a hero.

This weekend my wife wants me to caulk the master bathroom. I can already see the mess. Oh, my kingdom for a horse…a really, really fast horse!